“Why you should get out of the sandbox and start asking yourself questions.” by Veronica Toumanova.

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Ребята, я еще раз с большой РАДОСТЬЮ ПУБЛИКУЮ статью от ВЕРОНИКИ ТУМАНОВОЙ об АРГЕНТИНСКОМ ТАНГО!!! Зачем?

Во-первых, пост ОООООООЧЕНЬ интересен для любителей танго, и все те, кто увлекается данным танцем найдет кучу полезных советов, которые следует взять на заметку в преподавательской деятельности ИЛИ В СОБСТВЕННОМ ТВОРЧЕСТВЕ.

Ну а во-вторых, мне бы хотелось наконец НАЧАТЬ публикацию материала на английcком языке на сайте, чтобы все танцоры начали понемногу привыкать к английской речи. И по приезду в ШТАТЫ или иную страну мира, не у кого ВОЗНИКАЛО трудностей в объяснении ТЕХНИЧЕСКОГО материала своим СТУДЕНТАМ, а также и в понимании и общении с ними! Публикация Вероники написана на ОООООЧЕНЬ высоком уровне английского языка с глубоким смыслом и идей!! С моей точки зрения данная публикация более чем ДОСТОЙНА Вашего внимания, поэтому seat back, relax and enjoy!!!!!

“Why you should get out of the sandbox and start asking yourself questions” by Veronica Toumanova.

“During my years in tango I have encountered, and still encounter frequently, a certain attitude in dancers (both men and women, but more often in women), which can be summarized as follows: “people with whom I would like to dance don’t dance with me. They are not being social. They should be more open, get out of their little world, try a new dancer (me), accept me the way I am and enjoy what I have to offer.” The usual consequences of this attitude is that the person gets frustrated. Slowly – or quickly – the frustration overshadows other aspects of tango experience, the person feels rejected and a vicious circle establishes itself: the dancer feels others don’t want him/her, gets into a bad mood, and gets even less dances as a result.

You can agree or disagree with this attitude. I personally disagree, but the reason I am writing this is not because I want to judge it, but because, first, I want to understand it, and second, because I want to help change this attitude into something more productive.

If you have never suffered from this frustration, you can now stop reading. If you, however, find yourself entertaining thoughts suchs as “why, why does not he invite me/doesn’t she look at me” or “all these snobby little groups only dancing among themselves, I so wish for once they would poke their nose out there in the real world and see everybody else” – then what I am writing here might help you leave this frustration behind and find more joy in tango.

When we start an activity, such as tennis or photography or painting, we somehow from the beginning do not expect our tennis coach to want to play with us for his own fun. We do not expect photography magazines to publish our first pictures or art galleries to come rushing to get our first paintings. It still might happen, but we all understand that this is an exception. In no other domain of life do we expect others to value and appreciate and desire us without some prior personal investment in our SKILL. However, as soon as a person enters the tango world, sometimes it looks like s/he forgets this simple rule of life, the rule of personal investment and of reciprocal interest.

How come that intelligent, educated and otherwise experienced people come to entertain such an unrealistic expectation? The confusion lies partially in the misinterpretation of the word “social”. “Social” in tango means that you dance with another person in a couple and with other couples around you on the dancefloor. And that between tandas there can be “socialising” to help you do your “tango networking”. “Social” does not mean that other people will accept you exactly the way you are and dance with you only because you want to dance. “Social” does not mean that other people owe you something or are obliged to give you a good time. You don’t have this obligation, either. But they CAN give you a good time, and so CAN you.

Where else in life are we accepted and welcomed exactly the way we are, without first having to invest in some SKILL, integrate in the environment, have something to offer first? Right: when we are little children with our parents and with other children in the sandbox. Our parents will accept and love us exactly the way we are, and it is in the sandbox that other children will play with us, unless we behave really unfriendly. But tango is not a sandbox, other dancers are not your parents nor are they other children.

If you would like another dancer to dance with you, you have to ask yourself two questions.

First, why do you like him/her? And second, what kind of dancer/person would you have to be to be liked in return?

The answer to the first question is very often “because I really like how s/he dances”. Which usually means that you understood what tango is about, and your priorities are in the right place. It is possible that this person does not think the same of you. There is no objective “good dancer” and “bad dancer”, there is just a great variety of preferences. Don’t ask yourself the question “WHY doesn’t s/he like me”, it is not the right question to ask and you will never find the right answer because you cannot know that. Ask yourself instead: “what does this person seem to enjoy in people with whom s/he does dance?” Observe, notice, be aware.

The answer to the next question (“what kind of dancer would I have to be to be liked”) can vary from “I have to be one of the top five dancers in this milonga” to “I have to be young, blond and wear a mini-skirt”. Remember, that every answer in this range is a VALID REASON TO DANCE WITH SOMEBODY. That a person likes to dance only with accomplished dancers does not make this person a snob, because if this person is a snob, so are you. YOU too want to dance with accomplished dancers. If the answer to this question is “blond and mini-skirt” than this person has other priorities and has a perfect right to. It may very well be that your priorities don’t match. If becoming blond and wearing a mini-skirt is against your principles, switch your interest to another dancer – or change your principles. If you understand that you have to become a more accomplished dancer, then find a teacher you like and start improving your dance. If you feel it is your social skill, or the way you dress, or the way you present yourself – then try to understand what other people do, people who in your eyes are more “successful”. Do not condemn them for being different from you, for they can help you.

If you are a man and a woman says no to you, do not act insulted. Remember, you are not in the sandbox anymore. Be a man. Be worthy of the woman you want. Do not tell your male friends “this one only dances with the teachers” because when she will say yes to your friend, YOU will feel like an idiot. If you are a woman, do not judge other dancers for their preferences. Remember, you want this man to invite you because there is something of value in him, because there is something about him that you LIKE. Be ready to give, not only to take. Cultivate your skill, develop yourself, improve. Be generous, but do not dance with people you don’t want to dance with. If you dance with “whomever” just because you feel you have to dance, don’t be surprised that “whoever” keeps inviting you.

It does not really matter WHY you desire someone in tango, but understand that the desire is an essential element and that is has to be mutual. If the other person does not desire you, you can either find something that will make you desirable, or find another object of attention. Ultimately, true tango is not primarily a meeting of two skills. It is a meeting of two desires. And from there on the rest is up to you.”


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